![]() ![]() You also need to recognize your limitations and be willing to make some compromises, advises Dr. So create your own "village" of friends and relatives, along with your spouse, and take turns supporting each other to get chores done, tend to responsibilities and take a bit of downtime. In other cultures, women flock around a new mother to help ease the child-care burden. There's no virtue in pretending you can do it all-or breaking your neck trying to. We're so sure that everyone else but us is doing a great job of balancing their lives." "We don't see her behind the scenes when her children are screaming, she's arguing with her husband and she's falling apart. How does she do it? She doesn't, says Dr. "You learn to become a mom by getting to know them and by them getting to know you." Instead of feeling inadequate or blaming yourself, focus on the many successes you help your child achieve as he grows.Įveryone knows at least one "perfect" mom-the one with the always-sparkling kitchen, the well-behaved children and the exciting career. "Like any relationship, your connection to your children develops over time," she explains. Sometimes, however, your newborn may seem like a stranger at first. "It wasn't until he was almost a year old that I began to feel that same bond," says Rachel, who still harbors guilt about it today, almost four years later.įor the most part, women do have strong instincts to protect, nurture and love their kids. ![]() So she was distraught when she didn't experience that automatic attachment the third time around with son Jared. Rachel Brown of Clifton, New Jersey, had fallen in love instantly with her first two children. If you can find the caring, kind parts of you 75 percent of the time, you're doing really well!" Myth 2: A good mom bonds with her children immediately "Some days you just want to pack their bags, drop them off at the train station and drive away," says Dr. Given the challenges of raising kids, it would be impossible for you to be happy with your brood, and they with you, every day. It's when you suppress those less-than-motherly feelings that you're more likely to lose control and act in ways that you'll regret, she points out. Myth 1: A good mom likes her children all the timeĬhristine Nicholson, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Sequim, Washington, thinks it's perfectly OK that Meryl Beck lets her sons know when they are not her favorite people. Give yourself a break, Mom! Once you take a close look at some common motherhood myths, you'll discover that they're really more fiction than fact. Caplan, PhD, a clinical psychologist at Harvard and author of Don't Blame Mother. The result? "You end up feeling exhausted and anxious, much more than is necessary," says Paula J. Whether this pressure to get it right comes from media messages or our own inner expectations, it's there, nagging us to be the best. And if we don't, we worry that we're going to mess up our kids. Mothers, much more than fathers, are supposed to know the "right" stroller, or "best" school, or "most enriching" activities. "The whole Superwoman idea has gotten stronger and is more oppressive than it has ever been," says Dr. The truth is, our neighbor probably has the same skewed view of us. ![]() "Women tend to compare and measure themselves against unrealistic images and then feel they fall short." From ads that feature picture-perfect mothers, to bestselling books that promise a foolproof formula for raising exceptional kids, to celebrity moms who seem to do it all with ease, experts and mothers alike agree that "mythic" images are all around us.Įven the next-door neighbor, who may be just as harried as we are, seems to have it all together-at least that's what many of us think. The idea that a "good mom" always feels positively toward her children, no matter how much they test her patience, is just one of the many myths of motherhood, says psychologist Diane Sanford, PhD, health expert for the American Psychological Association. Finally, she snaps at them, "I don't like you very much right now!" The minute the words escape her lips, Meryl is consumed with guilt, calling herself a "bad mom." But is she? ![]() "Put your toys away!" "Brush your teeth right now!" "Stop fighting!" She's done nothing but bark orders at her two sons from the moment they woke up, and she's had it. Meryl Beck of Ashburn, Virginia, is having one of those days every mom can relate to. ![]()
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